Hyrule Net
by CrazygurlMadness
Summary: This message is sponsored by the GetLinkLaid foundation. Just kidding. Kinda. Zelink, Midnark. AU, rated 15 & up. EXTRA ONESHOT ADDED.
1. Hyrule Net

**It might not be obvious, but finding a format of email that this site can keep is a tough job. It doesn't accept anything that has a dot and a net or com extension, or support the 'at' symbol. But I think if we had to invent a new mail system, this would be it. Hah. Yeah right.**

**Anyway, here's a oneshot (as in, ONESHOT-DO-NOT-ASK-FOR-A-SEQUEL-I-DECIDE-IF-THERE-WILL-BE-SEQUELS-BY-MYSELF) that I wrote to make up for not writing in any pairings for _Summit_ (it seems to have upset more people than I thought at first, because the story is a relative flop... Oh well) inspired in style by Meg Cabot's _Boy_ adult series.**

**Warning: **Language** and** sexual themes**. Also, shameless lack of underwear. Haha. Is that even a warning?**

**For those of you who can handle this (like any of you actually heed warnings anyway), please, enjoy. **

**EDIT: Now with time stamps, since so many people requested it. I didn't include them at first because they were troublesome, and because I never read or use them in my own mailing life, but... I guess I'm the only one who didn't care. ;P**

**HyruleNet  
By CM**

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 8:46 AM  
**RE:** You bitch. 

See me in my office.

Link

P.S. NOW.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:04 AM  
**RE:** You bastard! 

Where'd you get that hot secretary, you asshole? I thought we were a share-all company, here. You ought to at least handle that kind of stuff with―

Gimme a sec', Mido the Intern of Nettlesome Smart-alecky Knowledge is asking me a question, and no, Mido, you don't have to make a PictureShop File that will be _as_ big as a billboard.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, that's right.

YOU BASTARD. I find no reason not to hate you.

Lots of love from your eternal best guy,

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Production\mikaus.guitar **(Mikau Blue), **HyruleNet\Production\evanskey.board **(Evan Keys), **HyruleNet\Production\evil.warlord.ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire), **HyruleNet\Production\japas.bass **(Japas Marine),** HyruleNet\Administration\blackguard.zant **(Zant Black), **HyruleNet\Administration\d.kafei.keaton.rocks **(Kafei Dotour),** HyruleNet\Information.Tech\city.in.the.sky.shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information.Tech\shadow.master **(Sheik Strike)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:08 AM  
**RE:** Greetings, fellow men. 

Unless you didn't bother to show up this morning, you'll have noticed that Link has a new smoking hot secretary. Copy and paste the following message and flood his inbox!

"I hereby request that you give me a reason to come by your office so I can check your secretary out within the limits of legal, strictly business-related flirtation. Also, Dark Knight says you're an asshole."

You won't regret it!

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Information.Tech\city.in.the.sky.shad **(Shad Knowing)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:13 AM  
**RE:** Greetings, fellow men. 

Mr. Knight (I know I don't have to address you formally, considering the diminutive size of this company, but I think you need to be scolded according to the rules),

Seriously, Dark, how can you be like that? The new secretary (her name is Zelda Harkinian, by the way, so you might as well call her by name rather than refer to her with a noun) is a very nice woman. And you know who she is, so there's no need to make a ruckus about it. It might reach her ears.

And Link is in a bad mood already, from what I could see of his livid face, so it'd be best if you didn't antagonize him.

That's just friendly advice.

Shad

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\d.kafei.keaton.rocks **(Kafei Dotour)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:14 AM  
**RE:** About Dark. 

He's asking the guys to flood your inbox. They probably won't, but I thought you ought to know.

Can I ask why you're hiding out in your office? I hardly noticed you come in; you just looked at your new secretary then locked yourself up like a reclusive hermit on E.

Come on out, you have to admit she's a looker.

Kafei

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Information.Tech\shadow.master **(Sheik Strike)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:26 AM  
**RE:** Din dammit! 

Terminate Dark's account. Now. He's a threat to the world.

Link

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\d.kafei.keaton.rocks **(Kafei Dotour)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:28 AM  
**RE:** About Dark. 

Why did we hire him, Kafei? WHY?

Link

P.S. I refuse to admire my secretary. She's my secretary. It's just wrong to… Gods. She's eating strawberries as a snack.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\d.kafei.keaton.rocks **(Kafei Dotour)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:41 AM  
**RE:** About Dark. 

We hired him because he was a marketing genius.

Kafei

P.S. Strawberries?? You bastard!

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:45 AM  
**RE:** You bitch. 

Excuse me, Link, but I fail to see how insulting me so early in the morning might accomplish anything.

But oh, I think you noticed the new secretary I hired for you. She's quite the sight, isn't she? I'm a genius; admit it. You complained about having no motivation, so now you have a reason to work off all your pent-up sexual frustration (because romance in the workplace doesn't come recommended).

I think I've just doubled the company's productivity. I deserve a raise.

Midna

P.S. I have work, sorry. It will require a good few more hours. So you'll have to deal with not seeing me for another long, very long while. You might want to use that time to calm down.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 9:57 AM  
**RE:** Tier 1 report. 

Mr. Forester,

I finished and attached the file your previous secretary had left incomplete. I hope it meets your quality standards.

If I may be so bold, I think you're coming down with a fever. Alternating between pale and flushed so often like that can't be healthy. Should I fetch you some aspirin?

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:03 AM  
**RE:** You jerk au féminin… 

…You are a conniving and cruel, cruel bitch, Midna.

Link

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:09 AM  
**RE:** Let me guess. 

Poor you. She's good at the job so now you're anguished that you can't fire her for incompetence? Oh well, that's too bad.

The minute you were born, sweetheart, the sucker was _you_.

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:10 AM  
**RE:** Midna… 

…is cackling evilly. It's not a reassuring sight. Any idea what's going on?

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:12 AM  
**RE:** Tier 1 report. 

Thank you, Zelda. The report's top-notch. I have no revisions to make. You must have done this before, or something, right? This is the work of a pro.

And I'm fine, thank you for your concern. I've just been under a lot of stress lately.

Link

P.S. I'll have none of that Mr. Forester nonsense. At Time Corporations, everyone is on a first name basis, no matter their seniority. We're trying to create a friendly atmosphere in the workplace.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:16 AM  
**RE:** I hate you. 

If You See Kay you, as James Joyce would have lovingly said. I really hate you. Nabs just told me you're cackling. Quit it or I'll rip your manicured nails off your fingers. And don't think that just because you're a woman I'm going to stop myself.

Link

**

* * *

To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:18 AM  
**RE:** Tier 1 report. 

All right, Link it is. You're right: it really is friendlier!

I guess you could say I had a little bit of practice with tier reports before. Besides, it was already started, so I only completed it. It wasn't a big problem. I'm glad it needs no revisions.

Stress? I really don't mean to pry, but are you sure you don't need more sleep? I saw you typing quite angrily at your keyboard (I couldn't help but notice). If you have a problem with your computer, maybe I should call the IT department?

Just tell me. I'm at your service.

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:19 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

So??? He's hot, huh? I told you he would be.

Also, congratulations on the pencil skirt. It's great first-work-day wear. It outlines your bottom, and we both know what power a well-rounded bottom has on lecherous businessmen.

Not that Link is lecherous or anything. He's a real gentleman, so he might check you out, but he would never show any bad taste.

Hang in there! It's your 'first day', but I know you can do it.

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:20 AM  
**RE:** Sobs-a-plenty. 

I'm a lecher.

Please allow me to perform hara-kiri on my pitiful, tortured body.

… You do still have that ceremonial katana on your office wall, don't you?

Link

P.S. Who even says 'I'm at your service' anymore?? Why is there a party downstairs, dammit??

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:24 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

Damn, he's gorgeous and you know it, Malon. But I can't write private mails like this too often! He might pass by and read over my shoulder!!

Not that he's come out of his office since he came in, like, two hours ago. Pooh.

But he seems very nice and professional. And so educated!

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:25 AM  
**RE:** Sobs-a-plenty. 

It's a scimitar, you uneducated fool, and no, you shall not commit hara-kiri, seppuku, felo-de-se, or any other form of ethnical honourable suicide.

Now why exactly are you a lecher?

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:29 AM  
**RE:** Bravo. 

I don't know how you did it, but you have managed the impossible: Link Forester, administrative, financial and legal genius, has confessed to being a lecher.

Here's are the Linkster's own words:

"_I'm a lecher._

"_Please allow me to perform hara-kiri on my pitiful, tortured body."_

Followed by the less than subtle, _"Why is there a party downstairs, dammit??"_

Spectacular work. Now we need to get rid of that secretary within the day, because she's making him lag in his work.

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:34 AM  
**RE:** Indeed… 

Victory is a sweet, sweet song.

Midna

P.S. I know you have compromising holiday party pictures of everyone in Production and IT. Send them over. I deserve the reward.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:37 AM  
**RE:** Indeed...  
**Attached:** Japas Sloshed (IMG), Drunk Ganon (IMG), Varnished Evan (IMG), Bamboozled Mikau (IMG) 

Oh, you sneaky rat. And here I thought _I_ was evil.

I'll only hand over half the requested reward, though. The second half will come once our true goals have been accomplished. So get working.

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:38 AM  
**RE:** Sobs-a-plenty. 

You want to know why I'm a lecher? Isn't it obvious? My new secretary, Zelda, has the body of a goddess and enough smarts to properly finish a tier report. On her own! She wears skirts that outline her backside whenever she bends over to pick up a fallen pen. She eats strawberries as snacks. STRAWBERRIES, Nabs! Because peanuts wouldn't have been sexy enough against those glossed lips of hers. And she has the most luxurious blonde hair I ever saw.

Now all I can seem to focus on is the colour of her bra straps through her blouse (purple, I think, but I don't want to get closer to be sure because I disgust myself).

I used to be composed and respectable. Women were an outside distraction. Women in the workplace, no matter how well they dressed, were never a problem. What's happened to me? How could one woman turn me into a complete pervert??

Have pity on the agony of a man!

Link

P.S. Luxurious blonde hair. I used the word 'luxurious'. Gods, I disgust myself.

**

* * *

To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:39 AM  
**RE:** Need your help. 

Hey, Malon. You want the blackmail material Dark has? Get Zelda to move faster.

There. I've done my part.

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:41 AM  
**RE:** Puke. 

You really outdid yourself, Midna. He used the word 'luxurious'.

What's your secret??

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:42 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

Give him some time. He's bound to come out of his office at some point.

So did you eat the strawberries yet? And did you bend over to pick your pen up? That never fails to work.

Next time, find a form for him to sign and lean over the desk to give him a good peep.

… You're not wearing panties, are you? That might be an important factor.

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:44 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

You're a horrible, horrible person, Malon.

I feel like such a teenager. Din knows I haven't felt that way in a long time. It makes me giddy.

But yes, checkmark the sexy snack and the pen drop. Next I'm using the signature request.

Do I have security clearance for the lunch hour?

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:46 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

Not yet, but I've got it covered.

Hang in there, Zellie. Whoop-whoop!

(So are you or are you not wearing panties? Dark is making me ask. You don't have to answer, though. He's just a pervert.)

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:47 AM  
**RE:** Well? 

We, the undersigned, wish to know how the work's coming along.

Rauru Luz,  
Crystal Aroma,  
Barthelemy Dotour,  
Impa Shades

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Management\crystal.aroma **(Crystal Aroma)**, HyruleNet\Management\barthelemy.dotour** (Barthelemy Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)**, HyruleNet\Management\impa.shades **(Impa Shades),** HyruleNet\Administration\blackguard.zant **(Zant Black), **HyruleNet\Administration\d.kafei.keaton.rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar.lu.2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i.luv.watters **(Ruto Watters), **HyruleNet\Information.Tech\city.in.the.sky.shad **(Shad Knowing), **HyruleNet\Information.Tech\snowy.peaks.ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information.Tech\shadow.master **(Sheik Strike), **HyruleNet\Human.Resources\s.anju.loves.keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus.guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey.board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil.warlord.ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas.bass **(Japas Marine), **HyruleNet\Intern\meadow.tainted.saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save.the.trees.91 **(Saria Woods)  
****BCC: **HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London),  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:51 AM  
**RE:** IMPORTANT MESSAGE! 

Hey, everyone! Please note that as of 11:45, you must desert the floor of Time Corp. Leave your offices. Go for a nice, long lunch. No one must remain on the floor.

This message is sponsored by the Get-Link-Laid Foundation. Just kidding. Kinda.

Malon

P.S. Do NOT forward to Link!

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 10:56 AM  
**RE:** Well? 

Things are moving splendidly, as I'm sure you can now attest, sir.

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:01 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

That was a beautiful announcement. I almost shed a tear there. Oh, sorry. I shouldn't be sarcastic.

It's 11:00. I'm going in for the kill. I just found a complicated form for him to sign.

I will now make a blatant flirt of myself and undo one more button of my blouse, for added leaning effect.

Here I go! Pray he salivates at least a little!

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:14 AM  
**RE:** Sobs-a-plenty. 

Have I killed someone in a past life? She just came in to make me sign a form and to inquire about my health (which involved her getting quite close, in case you were wondering).

I confirm the bra is indeed purple. A nice lavender purple, too. It certainly enhances her bosom. I get this feeling like her buttons are gradually getting undone or something. I could have sworn she was more of a prude this morning. I am not complaining. I am _that_ horrible.

Thank gods I don't have to get up from my desk anytime soon.

Link

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:17 AM  
**RE:** Sobs-a-plenty. 

I changed my mind. Come get the scimitar and put an end to that pathetic thing you call a life.

This ought to entertain me somewhat.

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:18 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

WELL? Has drooling occurred??

Tell us! The whole of HR, Production and IT are in my office having a wager, here!

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:20 AM  
**RE:** Spill! 

You people are shameless. I used to have such a high regard for this company.

Just kidding. I still do, in spite of your strange pastimes.

I hereby confirm that while no visible drooling occurred (the man is made of iron will, you gotta hand it to him), he certainly looked quite warm and 'uncomfortable' for a moment there.

… So, who won the wager?

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:22 AM  
**RE:** Seriously… 

"_So, who won the wager?"_

I'm starting to like this woman. If Link gets the stick out of his pants, we might have plenty of baby geniuses running around the office in no time.

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:25 AM  
**RE:** Seriously… 

Dark, could you stop twisting expressions around? Also, could we not discuss Link's potency? He's a sexy bastard, but if he's inching towards monogamy, do not make me stray.

Besides, you're at _my_ service, so don't you check out other women.

Midna

P.S. But yes, she's a smart woman, with just the right balance of good and evil. Couldn't imagine 'hiring' a better one.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:26 AM  
**RE:** Seriously… 

I'm at your service? I'm not so sure about that.

Then again… Are you wearing a thong? Just curious.

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:28 AM  
**RE:** Seriously… 

Dark, you are a single-minded pervert and a shameless asshole.

Midna

P.S. Thongs are uncomfortable so I'm not wearing one, yet I have no panty lines… Do the math. Does that satisfy your curiosity?

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:31 AM  
**RE:** Seriously… 

I'm all yours.

Dark

P.S. Marry me. I'm serious.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:35 AM  
**RE:** Oh? 

You seem in a good mood. Any particular reason (other than the fact that Link might finally get what he so desperately needed)?

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:39 AM  
**RE:** Oh? 

My private life is none of your concern.

It's not your place to know that Dark just asked me to marry him, even though neither of us believes in the institution of marriage and we're not even dating in the first place.

Midna

P.S. It's 11:40. We should get going. Gather everyone. It's Dark's treat.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:41 AM  
**RE:** Hang in there! 

We're going now. I want you to show him who is boss!

Seriously, though, don't keep it a secret longer than necessary, alright? About who you are, I mean. Link's a good guy; he deserves to know.

Then again, he's pretty dumb not to notice. I mean, your name is just THERE, on the SCREEN.

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 11:42 AM  
**RE:** Hang in there! 

Don't worry, Malon. Link is in safe hands.

Have a nice lunch! _I_ sure will.

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:36 PM  
**RE: **Tell me 

In retrospect, was all this staging absolutely necessary?

Rauru

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From: **HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:42 PM  
**RE: **Tell me 

Judging by Link's expression, I'd have to say that yes, sir.

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:43 PM  
**RE:** Holy moly. 

She must have done him some good while we were gone. Did you see his face?

Dark

P.S. Think she wore any panties after all?

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:44 PM  
**RE:** You weren't kidding… 

That must have been a memorable lunch. You look like you just had more chocolate than is legal.

… Was he any good?

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:49 PM  
**RE:** You weren't kidding… 

He's splendid. I have no regrets. I intend to make him a permanent fixture in my life. Or at least turn him into the dream boyfriend.

For a trial run, I'll say he gets a 4.9 on 5.0. He lost a little bit because he didn't figure out who I was until I told him I was _the_ Zelda Harkinian. But he certainly made up for that mistake later on, hence the near perfect score.

Thanks for helping me out on this little stunt.

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:51 PM  
**RE:** You weren't kidding… 

You vixen!

Yeah, Link doesn't have such a great memory, but he's brilliant at everything else. I guess everyone sort of assumed that extended to the nookie department.

Apparently we were right.

Malon

P.S. It's no trouble. It was fun. Hope you consider associating your company to ours now?

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\i.heart.stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:53 PM  
**RE:** You weren't kidding… 

He's yummy.

Zelda

P.S. Was there ever any doubt?

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:54 PM  
**RE:** I'm a god. 

Hey, Nabs. My secretary? Yeah. She's Zelda Harkinian. THE Zelda Harkinian. As in, Zelda Harkinian, shareholder of Destiny Industries.

She's also hotter than fire.

And she makes a mean turkey sandwich.

I think I'm in love.

Link

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:57 PM  
**RE:** I'm a god. 

Please use my scimitar. Please. You're disgusting me.

Nabs

P.S. The IT, Production and HR departments were wondering if she wore any underwear. They asked me to inquire since the lady in question was silent on this matter.

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 1:58 PM  
**RE:** You're warned. 

Tell them I wore nothing and suffer a brutal and painful death.

Love,

Zelda

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:04 PM  
**RE:** I'm a god. 

She wore long johns.

… Wait, you talk about underwear during work hours??

Link

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit), **HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:17 PM  
**RE:** What a liar. 

You totally know she went _au naturel_.

I win my wager!

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human.Resources\twilight.princess **(Midna Night)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar.bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:21 PM  
**RE:** What a liar. 

Dammit. There go twenty rupees.

Nabs

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From:** HyruleNet\451degrees.zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:23 PM  
**RE:** About your business proposal. 

Mr. Luz,

In the name of Destiny Industries, I agree to work with Time Corporations for at least the length of a contract, though it is very likely this period will get extended.

We will discuss this further at a later date.

Zelda Harkinian

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Management\rauru.luz **(Rauru Luz)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:34 PM  
**RE:** Congratulations, my boy. 

You earned yourself a raise. I don't want to know what arguments you used. Just consider that Time Corp. is glad to have such an upstanding young man in its ranks.

Let us never speak of today again.

Rauru Luz

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\x.spire.nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\hero.of.time666 **(Link Forester)  
Sent:** Monday, Biember 12, D14, 2:36 PM  
**RE:** By the way, 

Did I mention I'm a god?

Link

* * *

**Alright, everyone! I've nothing left to add, except thank you to Lyxie for making sure I wasn't missing anything. I enjoy this mailing format, but it's strenuous to keep up with it, so I can't promise I'll write more. But I might. I don't know.**

**Leave a review (and check out _Summit_! It's good!)!**

**Love,  
CM**


	2. Hyrule Net extra

**Hey people. I'm just dropping by real quick to give you this. It's an offering to buy your patience while I keep working on _Fighting Gravity_. For progress on FG, check my profile. It's getting done!**

This is a standalone oneshot, but it can also be considered a sequel to _Hyrule Net_, which is why I posted it here.** Either way, I did this to clear my head during writer's block, and am now back to my main business.  
**

**Enjoy, and stay patient!**

**Love,  
****CM**

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\crystal_aroma **(Crystal Aroma)**, HyruleNet\Administration\barthelemy_dotour **(Barthelemy Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)**, HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades),** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim),** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian),** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine),** HyruleNet\Production\fly_pompadour **(Groose Pomp),** HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 9:58 AM  
**RE****:** Annual Summer Party!

Hey everyone!

It's that time of the year again! Book it: Friday, 22nd of Hexember, because the Summer Party is on the horizon!

We need volunteers to prepare the venue (we've already decided on the food, so, no, we don't need any more "food samplers"… like that's even a _job_).

If you want to help out, we need people who can set up parasols and open-horizon tents.

More details as the day approaches!

Malon

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Administration\crystal_aroma **(Crystal Aroma)**, HyruleNet\Administration\barthelemy_dotour **(Barthelemy Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)**, HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades),** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian),** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London),** HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine), **HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Administration\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:01 AM  
**RE: **Re: Annual Summer Party!

Ms. London,

You could _at least_ organise this party on a non-work day. Fridays are still an important part of the work week.

Zant Grim

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:02 AM  
**RE: **Ugh.

Reply All, seriously? Look at it, girl. And who, I ask you, works on a _Friday_?

Ruto xoxo

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)  
****Sent:**Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:03 AM  
**RE:**Wow.

I always forget how much Zant sucks. Dude, isn't it your job to teach him how to not use "reply all" everytime he answers an email? Nobody wants to see that kind of dickery…

Mikau

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:**Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:04 AM  
**RE:**(No subject)

He hit Reply All. I hate that guy.

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:05 AM  
**RE: **Re: (No subject)

Everyone hates him. That sentiment is like the glue to the collage that is this office's staff.

So, you bring the shot glasses and I bring the hard liquor?

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:07 AM  
**RE: **Re: Re: (No subject)

I guess. It's not a Summer Party if we don't spike the lemonade.

I should warn you, though, I've discovered a terrible affliction: I grope people when I'm drunk. Specifically, I grope you.

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:05 AM  
**RE: **Re: Re: Re: (No subject)

That's nothing new. We covered this yesterday after work.

Or uncovered, as it were. Good times.

Midna

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:08 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Annual Summer Party!

Mr. Grim,

We decided on Friday the 22nd over two months ago. We can't change that around. Besides, it's in the afternoon. You'll have time to finish up during the morning hours.

Cordially,

Malon

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:14 AM  
**RE****:** Seriously.

Did you see how he called me out like that? With _REPLY ALL_? Like, I'm sorry, was I not insistent enough back in Triember when I asked everyone's opinion on the final date, and nobody raised a _single_ objection?

I just checked through my archives. I sent like, 8 emails about that. Zant NEEDS to stop riding my ass about pointless dung.

Great, I am now officially in a Bad Mood™.

Mal

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:16 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Seriously.

Don't be mad. He's just upset because Midna turned him down again last week, and he's been in a funk since. At least, that's what Nabooru said.

By the way, have you seen or heard from Link? He was supposed to take me out to lunch today.

Zel

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:18 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Seriously.

Um, he got turned down _again_? I don't get why he keeps trying. It's like a secret to everybody that Midna and Dark are porking like they're getting paid to do it.

Which, knowing them, they probably are, somehow.

I didn't see Link, but that doesn't mean he isn't around. Knowing him, he's chatting with the guys down in Production or IT.

Mal

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:22 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Re: Seriously.

I don't know, I just asked Rauru. He hasn't seen Link either. I guess I'll ask Sheik or Groose.

Zel

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:47 AM  
**RE****:** Dude!

You haven't even walked into your office this morning? What is wrong with you? I just had to tell Zelda you weren't in yet. She's not happy. So, uh, heads up.

Sheik

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp), **HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:48 AM  
**RE****:** Ahem.

Dear Production team,

I _know_ that we've enslaved the lot of you and _forced_ you to work for us against your will and that you're being overworked for a salary that, _even when you call in sick to play the some dumbass big-name videogame_, comfortably pays for your housing and transportation and groceries, but please, try to overlook the gross abuse and explain to me why I haven't received any reports due today yet.

_Where are you all?_

Nabooru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:50 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Ahem.

We had a pool going that Link couldn't beat Ganondorf at arm wrestling. He lost, so he asked for a rematch in wastebasketball, and won, so now they're even and trying to find a way to settle the matter once and for all.

We're down in the breakroom if you want to see.

Japas

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:59 AM  
**RE: **I'm going

… down to the breakroom. You coming?

Dark

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:02 AM  
**RE: **Re: I'm going

I know this is a foreign concept to you, but I have work to finish.

By the way, I just found your cuff link, and promptly dropped it into my cleavage. So busy, I might leave it there.

Midna

* * *

**To:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent: **Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 10:59 AM  
**RE: **Re: Re: I'm going

Well, now you're just being unfair. Can a man not watch a decent fight AND fondle his coworker's boobs? My sense of entitlement is torn, and by definition, it shouldn't. Fix this.

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:04 AM  
**RE****:** Round 3!

Ladies and gents,

Hurry down to the breakroom, round 3 is about to begin! The contestants: Link Forester, from Management, and Ganondorf Dragmire, from Prod. The contest: paperclip slingshots. First one to hit (and pierce) the target centre wins.

Taking requests for the target model. The poster machine got fixed yesterday and we can make it a 36 inch wide glossy poster. Send requests with subject line as "Target Suggestion". We'll have a vote.

Japas

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:04 AM  
**RE****:** Target Suggestion

Zant's face.

Is a contest on this truly necessary?

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:06 AM  
**RE****:** Target Suggestion

A regular target, but with fuschia and aqua circles, and glitter on top of it (I shall provide). If they have to be dumb about it, I'd rather they do it with their eyes bleeding in agony at the awfulness.

Lulu

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:07 AM  
**RE****:** Target Suggestion

Zant's face. He uses Reply All and, anyway, he just creeps me out.

Ruto

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:07 AM  
**RE****:** Target Suggestion

That pizza guy who ate half a slice from my Speciale with Pepperoni when he delivered to us, last week during inventory night. We don't have a picture of him, but I'll gladly draw an approximation in PictureShop, shit-eating grin and all.

Or we could maybe retrieve a still from the security cameras…?

Groose

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:08 AM  
**RE****:** Target Suggestion

Zant's face, or was there ever any question?

Midna

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:14 AM  
**RE****:** Target acquired

You people are monsters, but fine, with an overwhelming majority, Zant's face it is.

Japas

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:15 AM  
**RE****:** The kids are at it again.

Impa,

Will you please have a word with our Management staff for them to discipline the Production team? Nabooru just passed by in front of my office with murder in her eyes and it would be best to spare the janitors of any more blood clean-up.

Thank you.

By the way, where is Link? I have conflicting reports on his presence in the building.

Rauru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:17 AM  
**RE****:** Re: The kids are at it again.

Rauru,

They're in the breakroom, preparing a paperclip battle or something. I was hoping they'd come to their senses, but clearly I can't rely on that. I'll have a word with them.

Impa

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:28 AM  
**RE****:** Oh crap.

Impa has just laid down the law.

Ruto

P.S. No Summer Party. Malon is going to be piiiiissed!

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:29 AM  
**RE****:** Aw.

So much for the Summer Party. We could still go for drinks, though.

Dark

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:31 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Aw.

Did you just ask me out?

Midna

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:32 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Aw.

My answer to your question would potentially be the same as your answer to the hypothetical question I just asked.

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:35 AM  
**RE****:** Don't be mad

It was all in good fun, so please, don't be upset.

I'm taking you to Temples for lunch.

Link

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:41 AM  
**RE****:** Um?

Look, I know you're upset, but come on, lunch is on me.

Link

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:47 AM  
**RE****:** Look

Please, Zelda, don't make me convince you. I'm sorry, okay? C'mon, lunch is in, like, fifteen minutes. Can I get a simple yes or no?

Link

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:51 AM  
**RE****:** Re: Look

Uh, we have to postpone lunch. Malon is in the restroom, crying. Sorry.

Zelda

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:52 AM  
**RE****:** Yep.

And now I feel like shit.

Link

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp),** HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:53 AM  
**RE****:** Nice work, people.

I hope you're all happy. We have to fix this. If you need incentive, think of all the gingersnap cookies you'll never eat again.

Shad

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:54 AM  
**RE****:** What a relief.

I just heard from Impa Shades that the dumb Summer Party has been called off. Good riddance. Maybe we could have some relaxing after-work time together instead? Just you and I.

Zant

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian), **HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**,HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit), **HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),**HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**,HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**,HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters), **HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds), **HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),**HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**,HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),**HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**,HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**,HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**,HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**,HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine), **HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp), **HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**,HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 11:59 AM  
**RE****:** Okay.

Alright. That's it.

Meeting in five at the cafeteria, for everyone on this mailing list. Except Zelda. You stay with Malon. I'll have a gourmet meal sent up for you two. You can use my office for recuperation.

Management, I know you didn't mean to have the party cancelled by Admin, so your presence is mandatory, _if you have a heart_. If you don't, I will make your paychecks come in late, and you will never have a stapler on your desk again. You will look around, convinced you had it, like, just five minutes ago, but it will have vanished from your space forever. You'll be doomed to a lifetime without a stapler. Do not think I will back down from this very real and easily applied threat. I didn't get hired to be pretty.

Marketing team: you have a good heart ―except you Ghirahim, what's your deal? ― so show up. We need all the people we can get to back us up. IT, same thing. Rally everyone in your groups.

Production: This is mostly your fault, so show us you feel bad and be ready to make up for it.

Japas, if you still have the poster of Zant's face, I'd like to have it. My punching bag could use a makeover.

And if anyone tells anybody outside of this mailing list that I give a damn about the building's Summer Party, I will methodically destroy your daily life. Paperclips will be open and straightened. There will be dust in your adhesive tape. Your white-out will be clogged (or unravelled, if it's one of those fancy-shmancy tape types). Your keyboard will be switched to Zwuzulu or whatever the shittiest typing language is. Your desktop picture will be replaced with a permanent image of Zant looking dour. Your pens will all vanish, especially the clicky-tops. Same thing for adhesive notes. Your highlighters will be left overnight to dry out.

Don't think I won't do it. Because I will.

See you in a few.

Midna

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 12:01 PM  
**RE****:** Damn.

You're sexy when you're determined. Can I get my cufflink back?

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 1:54 PM  
**RE****:** What do you say?

Well. I think they made a compelling exposé.

Rauru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 1:58 PM  
**RE****:** Re: What do you say?

Rauru, were you in the same room as the rest of us? Or don't you remember Midna trying to threaten us with office vigilantism, then the Production team beginning to talk all at once about how sorry they were? And then a few of them ran out to slam on the ladies' restroom door, screaming to Malon they were really sorry.

(And by the way, turns out Malon was in Midna's office the whole time that ruckus went on, so I'm sure that must have been an odd experience for any woman in the restroom at the time.)

After that, IT and Marketing shuffled in something about morale and summer fun ―I'm pretty sure Ghirahim would have made an interesting rendition of that Sheryl Crow song if Midna hadn't stopped him, which is a shame― then Link and Ganondorf personally knelt down in front of Barty Dotour and said that they would prefer being fired to having the Summer Party cancelled.

Compelling? I was thinking 'bizarre'.

Impa

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 1:59 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: What do you say?

Well, yes, but as entertainment value goes, you couldn't expect any better or any different.

Rauru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 2:01 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Re: What do you say?

Alright, I'll restore the Summer Party, but you have to be the one to tell them, or else they'll lose their fear of me.

Impa

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys),** HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine),** HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp),** HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 2:18 PM  
**RE****:** Aw, guys

I don't know what you guys did to turn this around, but thank you.

And, um, I still need a few volunteers to raise the tents on the day of the party.

Malon

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 2:19 PM  
**RE****:** OH WELL.

Zant. Party's back on. If you help Malon pitch the tents, I MIGHT consider having a drink with you, one day.

Midna

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:12 PM  
**RE****:** Incident report.

Hello, Saria.

Could you please have security send me a copy of their report on what just happened? I need it to put a copy into Mr. Grim and Mr. Knight's personnel files.

Thank you.

Rauru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:17 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Incident report.  
**Attachment:** Incident report – Hex.12, D14 – DK &

Files are attached. I copy-pasted the incident summary for quick reference.

Saria

Approx. time of events: 2:30 PM to 3:00 PM

People involved: Mr. Dark Knight (DK); Mr. Zant Grim (ZG); Ms. Midna Black (MB); Mr. Linebeck Hourglass and Ms. Jolene Wash (Security).

At 2:30PM, Security got word of altercation between Messrs. DK and ZG, allegedly an escalation of a verbal argument. Witnesses say ZG showed up, some ten minutes earlier, at DK's desk, gloating about a possible date with Ms. MB. When DK expressed scepticism, ZG goaded DK into asking the person of interest (MB) himself. Instead, DK stood, walked around his desk, and punched ZG in the face with ―a witness (Ghirahim Diamonds, Marketing) reports― "the force of a thousand meteors", knocking ZG to the ground. It was at this time that Security was contacted.

On arriving at the scene, ZG was cupping his nose, which was bleeding, while DK and MB loudly argued about MB's dating habits. DK then said something unsavoury about MB's taste and started rambling about a cufflink, which he apparently wanted returned. Further inquiries about said cufflink were ignored.

At this point, ZG got up and walked over to DK, then promptly knocked him down with a leg sweep, and proceeded to punch DK repeatedly in the face and stomach. Security had a hard time prying them apart.

DK wanted Security to point out in the report that he fought back, and in fact is certain that a few of his own blows landed, because he didn't have teeth marks on his knuckles the first time he punched ZG. This claim is disputed by ZG.

While DK was getting punched, MB started to scream at them to stop, then said that ZG had lost all his dating privileges and would have to work extra hard to get them back.

ZG asked if that meant he no longer had to help with pitching tents (?).

MB said he would still have to pitch tents, but that no longer equalled to a date. She then bent over DK and started screaming at him about starting a fight instead of walking away.

MB and DK proceeded to yell at each other while Security took ZG down to an isolated office for a cooldown period. When they returned, MB and DK were still arguing, this time about their relationship (presumably).

DK accused MB of toying with him, while MB called him an immature little boy who wasn't ready for a serious relationship. DK then called MB "a commitment-phobe" and she called him "a child", and then they proceeded to begin kissing and groping one another on DK's desk.

Assuming that the altercation was over, Security left and filed a report.

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:19 PM  
**RE****:** Disciplinary action.

The two of you are suspended for the next week, without pay. If you wish to appeal this decision, you may ask Human Resources for a committee trial.

Rauru Luz

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz),** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:20 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Disciplinary action.

Mr. Luz,

Don't you think that's taking it too far? HE was the one who hit first.

Zant Grim

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:22 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Disciplinary action.

You just used Reply All, again, Zant. Do you know what's taking it too far? Your face.

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:36 PM  
**RE****:** I swear

If we have to break up another fight between those two, I'm leaving early to 'tend to my injuries', and I'm blaming Zant.

Link

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:37 PM  
**RE****:** Re: I swear

Oooh, good plan. I might do the same.

Nabs

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:39 PM  
**RE****:** I hope you're proud of yourself.

I've never seen Zant that furious. You can have your cufflink back if you really want it.

Still, I feel kinda bad for the way he's been treated. He's like a dumb cousin that you can't help but bully a little, he's so annoying.

Midna

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:41 PM  
**RE****:** Re: I hope you're proud of yourself.

You'd think that, but hold on to your horses and see what happens when I pull off this master plan I just hatched.

Dark

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****CC:** HyruleNet\Administration\crystal_aroma **(Crystal Aroma)**, HyruleNet\Administration\barthelemy_dotour **(Barthelemy Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)**, HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades),** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian),** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine),** HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp),** HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:51 PM  
**RE****:** (No subject)

Dear Zant,

I wanted to apologize to you for my behaviour. As you can imagine, this whole day has been a colourful one for all of us, and I was running tired and irritable.

This is not an excuse for my treatment of you. You are clearly a sad and lonely man, and I had no right to punch you in the teeth multiple times.

That said, if you ever approach Midna, or any other woman from this office, without their interest and consent, I will consider you a predator, and I will defend them as often as I need to for this message to enter your thick, unperceptive skull: your advances are neither welcome nor desired, so back off.

Lots of love,

Dark Knight

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:52 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: I hope you're proud of yourself.

Seriously? That's it? An apology? Wondrous master plan there, chump.

Midna

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****CC:** HyruleNet\Administration\crystal_aroma **(Crystal Aroma)**, HyruleNet\Administration\barthelemy_dotour **(Barthelemy Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)**, HyruleNet\Administration\impa_shades **(Impa Shades),** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian),** HyruleNet\Management\d_kafei_keaton_rocks **(Kafei Dotour)**, HyruleNet\Management\x_spire_nabs **(Nabooru Spirit),** HyruleNet\Management\hero_of_time666 **(Link Forester),** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)**, HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters),** HyruleNet\Marketing\unimpressed_pathos_ghi **(Ghirahim Diamonds),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\city_in_the_sky_shad **(Shad Knowing),** HyruleNet\Information_Tech\snowy_peaks_ashei **(Ashei Warrs)**, HyruleNet\Information_Tech\shadow_master **(Sheik Strike),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London),** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\s_anju_loves_keaton **(Anju Stoke)**, HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)**, HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)**, HyruleNet\Production\evanskey_board **(Evan Keys)**, HyruleNet\Production\evil_warlord_ganny **(Ganondorf Dragmire)**, HyruleNet\Production\japas_bass **(Japas Marine),** HyruleNet\Production\ **(Groose Pomp),** HyruleNet\Intern\meadow_tainted_saint **(Mido Green)**, HyruleNet\Intern\save_the_trees_91 **(Saria Woods)  
****From****: **HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:51 PM  
**RE****:** Re: (No subject)

Listen, you rat-face. I can talk to Midna whenever I WANT, because she doesn't need your protection and if she didn't want ME, she wouldn't be considering a DATE WITH ME. I can do that for all the women here because if they weren't interested, they wouldn't be shy about telling me off. But they never do, so there. I must be doing something right.

So you can GO TO HELL and burn there, and so can all the men in this office, because you might have broken one of my teeth, but you can't stop me from getting what I want.

And guess what, asshole, I want those women, so fuck off. I don't ever want to talk to you again. I could have your ass FIRED. And maybe I WILL.

Fuck you!

Zant

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\blackguard_zant **(Zant Grim)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Administration\rauru_luz **(Rauru Luz)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:52 PM  
**RE****:** (No subject)

See me in my office, Mr. Grim.

Rauru

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Production\mikaus_guitar **(Mikau Blue)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:54 PM  
**RE****:** Well played.

You used his Reply All weakness. I don't know if I should clap your back or punch his face.

Mikau

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:55 PM  
**RE****:** Holy―

Did you read that? Not only is Zant incapable of not using Reply All, he's also a dick!

Ruto

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\i_luv_watters **(Ruto Watters)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\popstar_lu_2 **(Lulu Singer)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 3:56 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Holy―

What else is new?

Lulu

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:58 PM  
**RE****:** Drinks?

Link says he still feels terrible about acting like an ass and nearly having your work cancelled. He's offering to pay for drinks after work.

I personally think he also wants to celebrate the fact that Zant just got fired.

Zelda

P.S. And Ganondorf also feels bad. He says he can't come but he just gave me 50 rupees, which I'm assuming is meant to be spent on drinks for you.

P.P.S. Looks like all of Production wants to pay for your drinks. I told them that if they show up, they don't have to pay. So, drinks night, I guess.

* * *

**To****:** HyruleNet\Management\451degrees_zelda **(Zelda Harkinian)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\i_heart_stallions85 **(Malon London)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:59 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Drinks?

You see, that's kind of why I like working here so much. Sure, I'll meet you guys for drinks. Hopefully Sheik will finally notice me.

Malon

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:01 PM  
**RE****:** Okay, fine.

I'm going to the drinks thing tonight, if you're free.

Midna

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:02 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Okay, fine.

Are you asking me out?

Dark

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:04 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Okay, fine.

Ugh… Yes.

Midna

* * *

**To****: **HyruleNet\Human_Resources\twilight_princess **(Midna Black)  
****From****:** HyruleNet\Marketing\bipolar_bastard **(Dark Knight)  
****Sent:** Tuesday, Hexember 12, D14, 4:05 PM  
**RE****:** Re: Re: Re: Okay, fine.

Then gladly, I accept.

Dark

P.S. Keep the cufflink. I intend to go fishing later tonight.

* * *

**And that's it for this extra oneshot.**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


End file.
